When Your Kid's Face No Longer Melts Your Heart: A Practice for Parents
One of the most quietly painful parts of parenting tweens and teens is something most parents are almost embarrassed to admit: sometimes your kid's face just doesn't melt your heart the way it used to. If you're in that season, this practice for reconnecting with your love for your child might be exactly what you need.
The things I hear from parents about their 'tweens and teens:
"She can be so mean."
"When he's in a bad mood, he dominates our family."
" I love her but I don't like being around her."
"I can't stand how they talk to me."
"I'm embarrassed about how he acts and I worry what people think of me."
"I'm worried our relationship won't ever be as close again."
"He can be so rude."
"I miss my kids being little."
Oh, the stress and heartache of parenting, especially of 'tweens and teens.
When my kids were little, looking at them usually melted my heart a little.
Their faces were my favorite faces on the planet.
I could FEEL my open, loving heart and how I delighted in them and I'm guessing they could feel it, too.
In the 'tween and teen years, however, when I looked at my kids' faces, sometimes I saw Disdain - Annoyance - Glares - Avoidance of eye contact.
In those moments, I didn't feel delight or my heart melting. Instead, I felt Guarded - Crushed - Worried - Fed up - Mad. And just like my loving and delighted state of being transmitted to my kids - my mad, fed up and worried states transmitted, too.
Right? Are you with me?
If our state of being communicates, what must our kids be receiving from us in those hard times? It's probably not something that makes them feel closer to us.
Ok, in all fairness, it's ok for parents to be humans and feel what they feel. Not even Mother Teresa felt warm and loving all the time.