Reclaiming Yourself Makes You a Better Parent

"Losing myself" and "reclaiming myself" — four words I jotted in my journal recently while pondering my 10,000th day of mothering. If you're a parent who has ever felt like you've disappeared into the role, this one is for you. Because here's what I've come to believe: reclaiming yourself as a parent isn't selfish. It's one of the most important things you can do for your kids.

I remembered a journal entry from one frustrating morning when my oldest two sons were one and four:

"I've lost an important part of myself. I love my little boys with all of my being and I love being a full-time mom. But before I was a mom, I focused so much on my spiritual growth. Classes, church, quiet time, sweat lodges, loads of reading. Now I don't. I've lost time to do that. I miss that part of me. I don't feel quite whole without it."

It took quite a while, but eventually, I realized my children are best off if they are raised by a parent who is fully alive, a whole human being. Filled up on the inside. Being a depleted, irritable martyr does my kids no favors.

As a result of that inner itching to reclaim the spiritual part of my life, I started a "spirituality group" with others. We met regularly for years. Yes, it meant I was away from my kids for a few hours here and there. But it also meant that my little boys had a mom who felt more whole and more fully alive. (Disclaimer: I was still depleted and irritable plenty of times! But starting that group upped the minutes in a day that I felt more alive.)

What part of yourself needs more life breathed into it?

What is one step you can take to give your kids a parent who feels more alive?

My work and my joy is helping parents reclaim themselves so that they feel healthy, whole, and fully alive. When we are full of life, we radiate that to our children which gives them permission to be fully alive.

We stop stuffing and numbing. We acknowledge and feel all our feelings. Having access to all of our feelings helps us be more present and more full of life.

If you feel something rising in you that longs to come to life, I hope you listen.... and then do something to breathe life into that fullness. And if you're curious about the kinds of courage that takes — for you and for your kids — this post on giving your kid the gift of courage is a good next read.