I witnessed what may be one of the boldest and most courageous acts of self-belief I’ve ever seen. As I was watching, I couldn’t help but be in awe.
I’m only sort of joking…also, this is Palmer!
It was nighttime, and we had just pulled into the driveway, and I took my precious little boy out of the car seat. As I was taking a moment to gaze at the night sky, James, my one-year-old son, reached his tiny little hand out as far as he could, trying to grab the moon. His little fingers were wiggling, trying to reach just one more inch, believing that he might be able to grab it.
I am not entirely sure why it stood out so much. I think it was some combination of the fact it was just precious, partially that it was funny, and maybe a little that I wish I still had that level of belief. There are a few parts of my life that I would say I bring a lot of faith to, but nothing quite so courageous as James did.
I then wondered, at what point will he lose that sense of belief? Of course, having that sense of optimism is wonderful, but there is also a balance to what is needed to live in reality. Because the same boy who reaches for the moon would also happily launch himself headfirst down the stairs if I gave him the chance.
However, I think so often we go too far in the other direction of self-belief. We do too much overthinking, criticizing ourselves and others, putting labels and expectations on those around us, and more.
Without doing research on it, I would say that being overly cautious and talking ourselves out of taking risks kills more dreams than the risk that might come with them.
As parents, I think that is the balance we have to hope to find: helping our kids develop a sense of responsibility and caution to live a long life, but not such a sense of caution and responsibility that they don’t live life to the fullest.
I’m not saying that means they have to be free soloing the tallest mountains in the world, but more realistically, living their fullest lives might look like being bold with friends, jobs, trips, romantic relationships, having hard conversations, and knowing when it’s time to take the jump that is scary but could change the course of their life forever.
I have researched this question, “What allows a kid to take risks and be brave?” and the biggest factor, hands down, is the structure and support their parents created for them.
Regardless of whether your kid is one, eight, 14, or 28 years old, I encourage you to think about what encouragement and reassurance you can give them that would allow them to reach for the moon.
My mom and I were far from a perfect and stable relationship when I was a kid, but even still as an adult, when I have felt worried or unsure about the future, my mom has been there for some of the moments when I needed her to believe in me more than ever. Two moments really stand out that changed the course of my life:
- When I questioned pursuing my MBA versus becoming a therapist, she helped give me the encouragement only a parent can give. To follow what fills my soul.
- Five years ago, when I was exploring leaving the coaching firm I was at to start my own practice, I was nervous and unsure of myself, but she gave me the reassurance I needed to reach out to the sky.
Neither of us would have said I was a kid who needed that support from her. I was very independent at that point, I had been living in other states, backpacked around the world, and even scheduled my own doctor’s appointments. All of that, and still something about her support and belief that I should have more self-belief, changed the course of my life forever. Now I get to do the coolest work I could possibly imagine, and it allows me to live a life I could only have dreamed of.
So while I couldn’t say any words that would have allowed James to grab the moon, I hope he forever feels that I’m trying my best to support him in pursuing a life that brings him meaning and purpose… and maybe at times I won’t agree with what he wants to do… but I am far more concerned with making sure he knows I believe in him then planning his every decision…even though that might be what I’d prefer. 😅
As a parent, you have a unique gift to help your kids become the best, most vibrant version of themselves.
