Kerry here!
Remember how your baby’s smile could light up an entire grocery aisle? Wasn’t it amazing watching strangers soften and glow at your baby? And think about the sparkle that our babies soaked up from so many people who saw them. I marveled at how friendly the world felt when I had a baby in my arms.
Somewhere between the crib and driver’s ed, it seems that the world stops greeting our kids with that same open delight. Teen boys are more likely to be eyed warily; teen girls feel ogled or judged. Yet inside every lanky, sometimes-surly body is the same beloved child yearning to be seen. I remember 16 year old Alyssa telling me how she felt jealous of the affection and cuddles her much younger brother and sister received. I wonder how different our collective teens’ mental health would be if they were looked at by us adults with the same delight that we showered them with when they were young.
I’m reminded of this during Zoom sessions with my son, Palmer. The moment his wife appears off-camera, holding their son, Palmer’s face ignites. He couldn’t hide his joy if he tried. That reaction of pure, unconditional welcome is rocket fuel for a young person’s self-worth.
What if we offered a spark of that joy to tweens and teens, every day?
• When your child walks into the kitchen, let your eyes soften before you speak.
• When you pass a group of teens at the mall, meet them with a friendly nod instead of a sidelong glance.
• When your son’s friend arrives, greet him like he is amazing – because he is.
My boys’ second-grade teacher, Robin Chambers, mastered this art. Her eyes lit up at every student who crossed her doorway. Palmer’s shy, tentative shoulders straightened under her adoring spotlight. She didn’t need fancy interventions; she simply delighted in them. She is gone too soon, but her impact in this world was vast as a result of making many thousands of children feel cherished.
Of course, love travels best inside firm boundaries – crib rails, seat belts, curfews, and phone rules keep growing humans safe. Warmth and structure aren’t opposites; they’re dance partners.
This week’s challenge: Let your face light up – at home, in the car, in line at Target, or whenever a young person appears. One second of genuine delight can remind them (and us) of the hope and potential still shining inside.
Because people, young or old, never outgrow the need to feel welcomed just for being here.
