The never-ending beginnings and endings

Dear Friend,

Kerry here!

It was Monday morning and I was twenty-one years old at my summer internship when a co-worker walked in and shared that her thirteen-month-old son had taken his first steps that weekend. She was so excited!

And then she burst into tears.

She could hardly stand the idea that he was already growing up and on his way to becoming a walking, talking toddler. His infancy was flying by way too fast, she said.

I thought that was sort of funny back then. But once I became a mom, I experienced that and thought of her a thousand times over. When my oldest was a newborn, my sister-in-law told me how her toddler wouldn't let her kiss him. Guess who burst into tears then? Yep... it was me! I couldn't bear the thought of my precious baby someday pushing away kisses.

I know you know this experience too.... The thousands of new things our kids do that we celebrate as they develop and advance. And simultaneously, we marvel and ache that it's going by so fast. These parenting milestones, the beginnings and endings that come with raising tweens and teens, never really stop arriving.

As we step into August, 'tis the season of launching our kids into the new... whether it's the first day of kindergarten, the first day of college, or anywhere in between. There's a reason my kids' elementary school had "Coffee and Kleenex" after the kindergarten drop-off. It's not because we weren't excited for our kids to start such a big new adventure. It was because a certain season of life with our precious littles was over.

The realization of seasons with our kids actually being finished hit me like a gut-punch when I dropped off my youngest son, Landon, for his first day of school at Creighton University in Omaha, Nebraska. Yes, I was thrilled for him! And... It was one of the biggest emotional moments of my life. My youngest, my "Little Landon," had moved out.

That's when it hit me: each of our kids' milestones is also a milestone for us parents. For every milestone they reach, we have poured ourselves into supporting them, keeping them fed, housed and transported, cheering them on, and making it possible for them to do the things they do.

That night in Omaha before my flight home the next morning, I felt so utterly alone. I had just crossed the finish line of the biggest, most challenging event of my entire life, which was getting all three of my beloved boys through their childhoods, their adolescence, and off to the schools of their dreams. And there I sat in a restaurant, all by myself.

I was so happy. So grateful. And so gut-wrenchingly blown away that the season of my kids living under the same roof was officially over.

So I did what therapists do: I created a little ritual and did some self-therapy, feeling all the feels of this huge feat. I raised my glass about twenty times to all the things I could think of to toast. I went back to my hotel and had a flow of feelings where I felt it all. I danced like no one was watching (because no one was watching). And then I slept like a baby.

So my message to you this August as your kids move through another beginning that is also an ending: as you celebrate them, remember to celebrate you, too. YOU have worked so hard. YOU have shown up. YOU have grown. YOU are going through different developmental stages while your kids go through theirs. If you're wrestling with what change means for your family right now, I've also written about what if change isn't something to fear.

Ever since that day I dropped off Landon, I have wanted to give moms (and dads, too) the chance to be seen and celebrated for all the seeing and celebrating they've done for their kids. I've created a practice that I call a "Milestone Rite of Passage." It can be done as a ritual or a self-reflection. I can facilitate it in a 1:1 session or together with a group of trusted friends. If you are in the Denver/Ft. Collins area, I'd be glad to facilitate an in-person rite of passage for you. If you're interested, just hit "reply" to this email and let me know.

The next morning as I wheeled my carry-on onto the plane while my son slept in his dorm room, I felt full. I was at peace with the complexity of emotions I was experiencing. And I felt like I had been part of a beautiful ritual and reflection that was a mini-retreat for a party of one.

Whatever thresholds your children reach, I hope you remember to be kind to yourself and say a little "cheers" to the gift of your parenting to these beloved young people who mean the world to us. If you're heading into a season of resolutions or fresh starts yourself, you might enjoy Don't You Dare Say "Resolution".

Have a wonderful day!

Kerry and Palmer